Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
