She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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