You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
