I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
