what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
