You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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