I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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