I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i dont even know how to be here
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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