you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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