whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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