I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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