the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
