Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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