I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
