Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her vagine was all disorganized.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
