We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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