I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
