PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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