So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
