Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
