I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
