how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
