I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I touched a dick in church today
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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