so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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