I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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