Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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