Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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