I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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