I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
