hotel room ftw
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
