then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
