ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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