Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize