he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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