I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
