They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
