He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
