If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't turn off my feet"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
