my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
