Im at strip club and am horny
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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