Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
