dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
