Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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