I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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