he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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