his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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