ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
