If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
