im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
