this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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