Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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