there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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